Forgiveness: the day after

The day this gets released it will be June 19, or better known this year as Juneteenth. The last time we released a fresh perspective, it was centered around privilege and the anti-black racial discussions taking place around the world. Over on our false starts we were vocal, passionate and honest about how we felt about everything going on. However, as time went on, a realization began to dawn on me. I was no longer doing what I wanted to, and for that I need to forgive myself. I’m sure you realize that this week’s fresh perspective will be a little more personal than most – but always relatable. So, let’s talk about forgiveness.

The black experience

The term, the black experience, has been used so much in my day to day life for the past couple of weeks and It’s been one of the most aggravating things I’ve had to endure. The very notion that there is a single experience or a single story from a black standpoint, in my opinion, fuels a substantial number of the racial issues that exist to this day. My black peers haven’t lived my life, nor have I lived theirs. The only experience I can speak to is mine, but I’ve been thrust into positions where I have had to be “the black voice” or altered the way I’ve showed up to help other people navigate their way through these unprecedented times.

I hate it. In two weeks, I’ve been thrust into the position of the “black encyclopedia” for far too many of my ‘friends’. All I want to do is tell them that while I appreciate their efforts, I’m still mourning the loss of my family that I lost to covid.

What does this have to do with forgiveness?

That is a great question by the way and incredibly easy to answer. I have to forgive myself, first and foremost because it’s unfair to have allowed others to put so many expectations on me. My identity is not that of a strong black woman. I identify as me, which includes being strong and it includes being black and it includes being a woman but those are just a few of my many layers. I identify, as the multifaceted individual that I was raised to be.

At times, I worry that I’ve allowed myself to buy into the idea of the black experience and I’ve allowed that to be my only narrative. But that’s not what we do here. We don’t allow a narrative to choose us, we choose it.

It’s been two weeks since the chaos started, however, it’s still the most thought about and talked about part of my life. And not in a way that’s healthy, it’s become my narrative. All I see these days, is the colour of my skin and while I love being black and all it entails – I have never wanted that to be how I was defined. I am so much more. We are so much more, and my friends that is a collective we. Regardless of how you choose to identify – you are so much more than your labels. Our false starts was a platform created to heal and this new narrative got in the way of that healing.

That’s cool but what does this have to do with…

Forgiveness? Well, I think that forgiveness doesn’t mean you find a way to be happy with the past, it simply means you accept that the past can’t be changed. I think we get to choose the lessons we take from it while letting go of the pain that came with it.

To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.

Jack Kornfield

My ‘black experience’ has caused me to hold onto the pain of a community with which I identify and that, my friends, is a heavy burden to bear. So, my intention in writing this, is to put that burden down.

Forgiveness, for me, includes apologizing to this community that had been here for a while and experienced the sudden shift in momentum. I took a two week break from fresh perspectives because all I could think about was the black lives matter movement, and in the midst of experiencing it I was struggling to find ways to cope. I can’t change that, nor would I care to. But the steps going forward will be far more intentional. It also includes an apology to those that joined our community later on and expected a more vocal approach on all things activism. While I will never hide from a conversation, I don’t make the conversation my identity.

Our False Starts

Let me do the honours and reintroduce Our False Starts. Don’t ever expect one certain lane. As like the rest of you, I too am a multifaceted individual. There are days when the conversation will feel heavy and direct. However, there are days when we’ll choose to approach the world with rose coloured glasses.

Whatever we do and however we do it, we’ll do it with intention. We’ll do it because it’s the narrative that we’ve chosen for ourselves and not the one that life has chosen for us.

Fellow friends and fellow strangers, the past can’t be changed. Whatever mistakes we’ve made, whatever missteps we’ve had – we owe ourselves the freedom of forgiveness for no one other than ourselves.

Whether you identify with me as a woman, as a black person, as a student, as a creative, as a visionary, as a human – we’ve all made our fair share of mistakes. And as we navigate these times, we’re sure to make a substantial amount more. Perfection doesn’t exist, friends and you’ve got a lot of mistakes left to make. Make them gracefully, make them with good intentions and remember to learn from them.

I caution you to remember, every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.